So we’ve all been there. I know I’ve been there before…in a relationship where you start to wonder why you feel so insecure. In a relationship like this you start to constantly question yourself: Am I crazy..I didn’t think I was…but maybe I am? Did I make a big deal over nothing? Am I being dramatic?  I call this feeling of the self-doubt crazies you know feeling like you are insecure in your relationship, but you’re usually not that insecure (if you can think of something more clever, put it in the comments below). If you start to develop the self-doubt crazies, it’s likely that it’s the relationship making you crazy…not you.

So most cases of the self-doubt crazies can be summed up by one major issue in the relationship: lack of congruence. Congruence is basically the consistency between what someone says and does. In a relationship like this you will likely find yourself in a situation in which you’ve been wronged but you have accepted some words or gesture that was put out there to smooth over the bad deed.  In a relationship with an incongruent partner you will feel impending doom, insecure, confused, and like you’re walking on eggshells. With partners like this it is difficult to confront them because they can typically out-talk you and flip the script, “I can’t believe you’re still upset about last night after all I did for you today. You are so _______.” Fill in the blank: dramatic, needy, hard on me, and the list goes on.  No wonder you feel crazy!

Beware of relationships with an incongruent partner. These relationships can send you into a spiral of self-doubt, feeling insecure in your relationship and an overwhelming sense of frustration. If you identify a pattern like this in your present or future relationship it is best to carefully consider whether it is a relationship you stay in. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone has had an incongruent moment but a pattern of incongruence will just drive you crazy.